Jest a Minute (June Y2K4)

(These jokes have been taken from various sources and are not claimed to be original.)

Mohan applied for a job in the Police. The officer asked him during a preliminary interview,"Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Mohan: I don't know
Officer (feeling disgusted): Go and find out.
Later, Mohan's friends asked him about the interview. 
Mohan: It went well. Right on my first day they have given me the task of solving a murder case.
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He joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his
first day he called the company cafe and shouted,"Hey, you! Get me a coffee quickly!"
The man responded angrily, "You obviously have the wrong number. Do you know who you're talking to?"
"No", replied the trainee.
"I am the Managing Director of the company."
The trainee asked, "And do you know who YOU are talking to?
"No.", replied the Managing Director.
"Good!", said the trainee and put the phone down.
*******

He is appearing for his university final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off, then his shirt, and finally his trousers. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. 
"Well," said the examinee, "I am just following the instructions on the question paper. It says here, 'Answer the following questions in brief'.
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The doctor told him that if he ran two mile a day for 60 days, he would loose 10 lbs. At the end of 60 days, the patient called the
doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.
"What's the problem?" Asked the doctor. 
The patient replied, "I am 120 miles from home."
**********

Pundit jee went to Paris and stayed in a hotel. He met a French gentleman at breakfast who wished him "Bon Appetite". Pundit jee did not quite understand what he said and thought the French man is introducing himself. So Pundit jee introduced himself and said "Ram Prasad". Next day they met again at breakfast. The French man again said "Bon Appetite". Pundit jee wondered why he is introducing himself again but thought may be that is the French custom. So he also said "Ram Prasad." It went on for a few days. One day Pundit jee found out the meaning of "Bon Appetite". Next day, when he met the French man at breakfast, Pundit jee said with great enthusiasm "Bon Appetite". The French man looked happy and replied, "Ram Prasad."

(Note: Most of the jokes given below are contributed by our readers and may have been quoted from the Internet or other publications for which we thank the readers/sources."

Husband : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Wife : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Husband : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Wife : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one ?"
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Son: "Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
Mum: "Well, you have done the right thing."
Son: "But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
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A newly married man asked his wife," Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied, "I'd have married you, no matter who left you a fortune."
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Father to son after the exam: "Let me see your report card"
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
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An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist: "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, and a ruby broach." 
Artist (confused): "But, Madam, you're not wearing any of those things!"
"I know," she said. "But if I die before my husband, I'm sure my husband will remarry. I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry."

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The Gender Difference

A man spends $2 on something costing $1 if he needs it.
A woman spends $1 on something costing $2 even if she does not need it but is on sale.
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A woman is as old as she looks. A man is old when he stops looking.
*******

Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries and troubles and lighten your burden."
Boy: "That's very kind of you, darling. But I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Oh, that's just because we aren't married yet."

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